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The Importance of Being Earnest
Oscar Wilde

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ALGERNON
Certainly, Aunt Augusta. [Goes over to tea-table.]

LADY BRACKNELL
Won’t you come and sit here, Gwendolen?

GWENDOLEN
Thanks, mamma, I’m quite comfortable where I am.

ALGERNON
[Picking up empty plate in horror.] Good heavens! Lane! Why are there no cucumber sandwiches? I ordered them specially.

LANE
[Gravely.] There were no cucumbers in the market this morning, sir. I went down twice.

ALGERNON
No cucumbers!

LANE
No, sir. Not even for ready money.

ALGERNON
That will do, Lane, thank you.

LANE
Thank you, sir. [Goes out.]

ALGERNON
I am greatly distressed, Aunt Augusta, about there being no cucumbers, not even for ready money.
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